This one will definitely go down as one of my favorites. Lots of mind time went into this one, complete with weird flower dreams filled with anxiety and anticipation all week long. Where bits and pieces of our own wedding and my own weird subconscious showed up for a strange, mingled concoction of reality....where the hell is my dress, what am I doing watching the ocean turn into a whirlpool that oddly enough I want to dive into, did I actually forget to do the bridesmaids bouquets until right before I got into the truck for delivery?......who can really draw the line between reality and the perception of it? I'm always shocked at the letdown factor after doing something monumental like this. I tend to feel so raw, exposed, and what is the word...deflated? Bottomed out? Like I need a huge glass of wine and a hot bath. But wait, I can't do either of those. I think I'm going to bake it all out today and put all the stress and nonsense into a strawberry cheesecake or something. Although I've been wanting to charter new territory and make a pavlova.
So, some other big news I've been meaning to share (to help explain the no big glass of wine or hot hot bath), most of you probably know, but for those who don't, I am five months pregnant. Part of the reason for my insanity this season. I had the BEST gift from the sweetest of friends waiting for me as I returned home, utterly exhausted and full of weird, unsorted feelings. A set of wind chimes as a gift for me and the upcoming baby!!! Wow. Sarah, if you read this, your heart is as sweet as the sound of the hummingbird hovering close by, as soft as the roundest of rocks worn by eons of waves, and as deep and lovely as I imagine the fjords of Norway. Thank you thank you thank you. My heart broke a little in the best of ways when I heard them on the porch.
I like to throw the I-Ching. Especially when I'm in some kind of inexplicable state where I just need some advice or commentary, some insight from something that is potentially beyond this everyday realm of existence. Last night I threw hexagram #17, Following, and got the 5th changing line, 'Sincere in the good. Good fortune.' with the added explanation, "Every man must have something he follows--something that serves him as a lodestar. He who follows with conviction the beautiful and the good may feel himself strengthened by this saying." I think I have lost my lodestar. If you find it could you please return it to our place? Thanks.