Friday, February 15, 2013

Feeling for the future

How lovely to be this spider, awash in the most brilliant yellow at midday, a glorious diffusion of of our most basic source of everything---light, sunlight.  Looks like a symphony of the highest order to me, how I wish I could curl up in there for just a few moments.  But instead I walk away, confirming that we will paint Ruth's new room we are building a shade of yellow, a compromise I give myself to hold onto that beauty for a while longer.  

 Signs of spring are everywhere, even though getting through this last push of winter is a challenge for me.  I am ready for more color, that spring green that makes everything happy and cheerful and okay, that reawakening and recognizable pulsing of life that I am so longing for.  I know I shouldn't get ahead of myself, be in the moment for Gods sake, but deep within myself I am tired of being tired, tired of the latent passive energy of winter where growth is invisible and we hold ourselves tightly from the cold, withdrawing and moving ever so slow.....
 We're planning some major shifts on the farm and for our future.  So many of our dreams have come true and sometimes dreams aren't always what they seem.  So we are dreaming new ones up and it feels good.  If time is really a construct, why aren't we able to be our future selves at this moment and know all that we will know then?  I guess life wouldn't have quite the edge and excitement for us.

Tuesday, February 5, 2013


 I found this little one frozen solid on top of one of our bigger mud puddles around the farm.  The puddle is probably 5' x 7' and 3-4" deep.  I have no idea how it managed to get there, smack in the middle, on top of the ice with its head or tail slightly arched as if wanting to feel the soft moonlight a touch more intimately before passing.  It's attempt at self-preservation took a slightly wrong turn somewhere.
It has been extremely cold for us and for our flowers with lots of nights in the teens, snow ice and rain.  So much rain.  And don't forget the winds!  Just plain ol' messy.  Not the best weather to hit the ground running with a big year before us.  But slowly, ever so slowly, we are making our way to the greenhouse to start seed and trying get a grip on what the hell we are doing.  What the hell are we doing?  A valid question I ask myself more than I should!
We're trying our hand at just a few sweet peas this year.  I am excited about that.  Before I got into farming they were one of my favorite flowers, but after failing tremendously my first couple attempts, they got the snub.  But maybe I'm a better grower now.  My winter flowers aren't making me feel that way, but it's got to be the truth otherwise once again I must ask myself, what the hell am I doing?